Suggest improvements for the highlighted problem area:
The banks of the Amazon are subject to baneful forces. Variable flood levels and strong tides, which can be felt 800 kilometers inland, can severely erode the banks. This erosion can cause terra cahides (mighty rock falls). When an earthen retaining wall becomes weak, a large section of it can rip free, bringing down huge amounts of dirt, rock, and trees with a thunderous clamor. A really big and scary flood wave rolls across the river, bounces off the other side, and returns to crash against the bank. The fragile bank can then be worn away and weakened again, and, as anyone who has ever experienced mother nature's wrath could surmise about the obvious consequences, more land breaks free and plunges into the river with another mighty roar.
Answer:
- Avoid Roundabout Writing -
Our opening paragraph provides other examples of problems with style. First, there is an example of what is often referred to as roundabout writing, where too many words are used to describe something. This is usually done by people who mistakenly think that this will make their writing more grownup or more professional. It is neither.
Suggestion: Be direct and sincere. Don't bore the reader with roundabout writing; come right out with what you want to say.
When an earthen retaining wall becomes weak, a large section of it can rip free, bringing down huge amounts of dirt, rock, and trees with a thunderous clamor.
When a bank becomes weak, a large section of it can rip free, bringing down huge amounts of dirt, rock, and trees with a thunderous clamor.
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